Marriage, Spirituality

Gender Roles in Marriage

I’m always delighted when I run across something that leads me to alter or deepen my views and understanding. I’ve found that in reading Marriage at the Crossroads by William & Aida Spencer and Steve & Celestia Tracy. The book is structured as a conversation between two couples, both Evangelical, both where at least one partner is a Seminary professor, but they have different theological understandings of the meaning of marriage. In the jargon, the discussion is between the’Egalitarian’ view that holds that men and women are equal and the same in all matters related to family and ministry and the ‘Complementarian’ view that holds that men and women are equal but different in matters of family roles and ministry.

Steve & Celestia Tracy deal with the ‘hard texts’ of I Corithians 11:3

But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (NIV)

and Ephesians 5:21-33 which deals with the whole issue of submission to each other and to Christ.

I used to subscribe to the Egalitarian view, but I am drawn to that view which challenges me to do better. Steve & Celestia Tracy challenge me in that way. If I claim my male headship in my marriage, it is less claiming a role of authority and more emulating the Godhead’s example of headship through initiation of love, and honoring and empowering.

Initiation of love involves proactively engaging my spouse’s concerns and challenges, being intentional and spontaneous in care and affection, actively engaging the whole family, not passively delegating child-rearing and household concerns to my wife.

Honoring and empowering involves recognizing our spouse as a unique creation of God, with unique gifts and a unique calling to ministry. It is our job to uplift, honor, support, and encourage her in her growth in God as an individual and in her calling to ministry, whatever in may be.

I don’t think I even need to deal with the issue of my partner’s submission. I’m plenty busy enough trying to take care of my own submission.